Saturday, August 21, 2010


I've never been a super skinny person.  Even in my childhood I was "bigger".  Not really fat but definitely had a slightly larger bone structure and I did hold onto some of my baby fat.  It was about 5th grade when I started to hear the teasing.  Kids are really mean!  The interesting thing was, I wasn't the fattest in the class but I seemed to receive all the teasing.  Through out middle school I was on the plump side.  Again, not the largest and I was quite active. I played sports and was voted one of the best volleyball players.  Even through high school.  Same thing.  I even enrolled in the Fitness PE class which was the best thing ever.  Instead of losing, I just maintained and built up muscle.  I could run an entire mile and had tons of energy.  Yet I was never the smallest... and not the largest... but always the one teased.  Why is that??  Maybe I wasn't the only one but it felt like it.  I didn't like who I was back then.  I didn't stand up for myself and was especially sensitive.  NOT the same person you would know today.

So it's natural to say that my weight, my figure, my body... and me... have had lots of issues with one another through out the years.  Up until I was 22 I maintained the same weight and build.  Not skinny but not super overweight either.  In relatively good shape.  I shopped the larger sizes at stores like Mariposa but was glad I could go into those stores.  Size 16 or 18 was big but not embarrassing big. 

Then it happened.  I worked a three year desk job.  A job I hated and it took it's toll on me emotionally and physically.  While the higher ups probably meant well... I am still scowling at the fact they would treat us with junk food during the day.  All of this made me gain a lot of weight.  I went up about 3 sizes and was upset.  When I finally quit, I got a retail job which had me on my feet.  I loved it!  I dropped a size really quickly and felt GOOD!  My body started to shrink a little bit.  I've never gotten back to what I was before that job and I've beaten myself up about it over the years.  The good thing?  I've maintained... not gained.  But I haven't really lost either. 

So I've reached a new point in my life this past year:

I'm still not completely happy with my body.  I have goals.  I'd love to get back down to a 16.  I don't have goals of being super skinny but I want to be healthy.  That should be the goal for all women anyway.  Ignore your size and outward appearance.  Well... by ignore I mean don't stress over it.  Instead focus on getting healthy.  Eating good foods, exercising and making healthy choices.  All the rest will fall into place!

For the next three weeks I'm doing an elimination diet.  I'm pretty sure I have an intolerance to dairy but I'm also doing this as a jump start to eating right.  To cleanse my body of all the yuckies and start over! It's going to suck the first week but I know by the third week, I will feel fabulous! That's what everyone says anyway.  So no more beating myself up!  And while I get back into the healthy way of life, I'm going to love who I am and be confident!  I'm going to ignore those little 5th grade boys voices calling me fatso!  Because that's not who I am!

All the products used on my layout are in the August Kit - Discovery - from Scrapbooking From the Inside Out!  I loved this kit! 



Kat said...

good for you! i love your confidence! i've been trying to eat a lot healthier recently, too...and it is HARD. i don't want to lose weight, but i do want to stop eating at mcdonald's so much...while i look healthy on the outside, i'm sure my body is screaming at me on the inside. it's good to have these healthy goals...and i think it's great that you are so willing to share...that's pretty inspirational :)

aussiescrapper said...

I want to say "amen" I related totally to this post and am going to do a layout on it too, I have always struggled and it is time to put all that behind me and love who I am. Love to you, Melissaxx

Enjoy the Ride said...

I'm so right there with you, Melissa! I love these layouts and I love your new commitment to yourself. I know what it feels like to be the one who was teased... and I'm still too sensitive over it. You go girl!

Linda Beeson said...

Your layout is great and I so hear you on that struggle!

[[Azura]] said...

Melissa..I love that confidence..I know that coz I have been going thru all that all my life and esp when I stepped into the desk job!!But a year ago I told myself that its time to eat healthily and do some exercise and of cuz..I must love not only who I am but also how I look!!!! This post just reignite those words in me again..Thanks for the inpirational words.. :)And you go Girl!! :)

SarahLP said...

Sending you hugs and best wishes for your elimination diet.. and thanks for sharing your story and gorgeous layout. Look forward to hearing how you get on.