he is faithful in the vulnerability

All my life You have been faithful; all my life You have been so, so good. 
With every breath that I am able, I'm gonna sing of the goodness of God. 

I am a fan of vulnerability. I love it when people feel comfortable enough to let the tears flow from their eyes. In the moment it may not feel comfortable or good or even healing but, someone elses vulnerability can be the exact thing that someone else needs in order for a wall to come down.

This doesn't mean you have to seek out people to cry in front of. Can you imagine? Every person you come in contact with and you engage in thoughts that induce those tears. While the tears flow you look at the other person intensely; wondering if what you are doing is making a difference. Did a wall come down? Was that a look of reflection? Breakthrough? Or were they giving you the sideways glance because they legit think something is wrong with you?

I'm about to have a very vulnerable moment with you.

At the time of writing this, our world is experiencing something that keeps putting forth words like "unprecedented". I have read, and heard, that word more times than I care to. A virus called covid-19 has caused a huge disruption in the normal way we do life. And this extrovert is having a hard time. It was just announced that a "Stay Home" order has been extended to May 4. So, it has cause for me to just let it all out.

I hate that I can't just go shopping. I hate that I can't visit my friends house and have meals together. I hate that I can't go sit in my cozy corner at the coffee shop. I hate that I can't hug. I hate that I can't go visit my parents inside their home. I hate that my job, while essential, is teetering on the edge due to low attendance. I hate that I can't go to church. I hate that, when I do go out, I have to think ahead and keep the distance. I hate that most interactions with my friends are virtual. I hate that trips are being cancelled and fun outings are being delayed until who knows when. I hate that friends who have had family pass away can't properly mourn together or hold a memorial. I hate that Easter service is going to be spent alone at my home and not with my church family in the flesh. I hate that birthdays can't be celebrated in groups. I hate that kids can't go enjoy playgrounds. I hate the mood swings from peace that this is temporary to frustration because I just want it all to go away. I hate that there are people out there that are struggling to make ends meet because they have lost their jobs. I hate that the media is placing fear and anxiety in people. I hate this virus.

Now that I let that all out let me also say this - I am thankful. I am thankful for a God in Heaven who this does not surprise. I am thankful that He is so faithful and has always been. I am thankful that He goes before us and already knows what is to come. I am thankful that He is kind and forgiving and always present. I am thankful that He helps me see when I need correction and a shift of my perspective. I am thankful that He is good. I am thankful that He knows what is best for me even better than I do. I am thankful that God supplies my every need; down to the last penny. I am thankful for a God who overflows with grace and compassion. I am thankful for a God who is using this situation to answer prayers from His people. I am thankful for a God who strips away the things that obstruct me from spending time with Him. I am thankful for His steadfastness, wisdom and omnipresence. I am thankful for a God who is patient and compassionate in these moments of mine where I just need to let it all out and cry.

I know He is faithful. I know He is good. And, even in these moments of tenderness and vulnerability, I can sing to Him of His goodness. Because, at the end of the day, that's what He wants from me. No matter what I am feeling, He wants to be the one I run to. Not to my friends so I can complain. Not to Facebook so I can induce more anxiety or vent. No. He wants me to come to Him. Because He is the only one who can respond in such a perfect way. God responds with perfect compassion and unconditional love. He corrects, instructs and guides me back to where He wants me to be and that is with eyes, intently and intentionally, fixed on Him.

I don't need a church building. I don't need to be able to shop. Truth be told, this has been much easier on my budget! I don't need to sit in my favorite corner of the coffee shop to write. I don't need a lot of those things. All I need is Jesus.

All you need is Jesus. He is so very good even when life hurts. There is nothing and no one like Him.

"When the earth and all its people quake, it is I who holds its pillars firm." Psalm 75:3


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